My hands trembled as I looked down the barrel of the pistol I was holding, its hammer was slowly drawing back. “Just a little more” I thought “and all this could be over”. Just then my young son ran into the room, “DAD!!” shocking me back to reality. I immediately put the gun down on the table. My six-year-old son Bobby was excited because he heard the ice cream truck drive up. “Can Ty and I have Ice cream, the ice cream man is here.” he asked as he looked over at the gun. “What ya doing with that?” I answered quickly wiping my eyes “I was just cleaning it, here get some ice cream money, make sure your brother actually gets his”. He giggled a bit as he started to run out of the room when he looked back “Are you sad? Cuz you look like you need a hug” he came back and hugged me “Thanks for the ice cream dad “turned and ran out of the room. I put the gun away. Never underestimate the awesome power of a child’s love.
I sat back in my chair thinking about what had just happened. I thought about how close I came to ending my pain, while at the same time causing horrible pain to my little boys, the two people who made my turbulent life worth living. How selfish could I be? I thought. It was then I decided, No matter how much depression I felt, no matter hard things got. I will endure anything. I’ll take whatever steps I needed to take to make sure Bobby and Tyler knew they were loved and honored. They were absolutely the light that guided my life. The light that guided me from a life of no holds barred sex, drugs and rage, to a life of love, spirituality and dedication to helping others. This composition is for them as a thank you for being in my life.
Chapter 1 available September 1st
Conquering the Dragon* is a metaphor for over comeing a destructive life of drugs and violence