You feel like someone is standing near you,
Or watching you from the dark.
Who did you just hear saying your name?
Or utter a random remark?
We are always present around you
You’ll try to convince yourself that we are not,
You may sense us, as a breeze that blew by you,
Or just an echo between your thoughts.
You may think WE are God or an Angel,
That we are a spirit you can’t see or touch.
But it is just when you find out, just who you are.
That you’ll feel you’ve become one of “US”
A 6-year-old Alexander Marx, a dark-haired little boy is playing in the dirt by his house, when a deep resounding voice begins to speak to him. Young Alex was shocked because though the voice seemed familiar, he didn’t know who it was. He looked around and though he didn’t see anyone, he felt that whoever it was seemed to be standing next to him.
“Alex, listen to me closely,” the Voice began to say. “What I say to you now will set the path for the rest of your life. Though you may not understand everything I tell you now, it’ll become clearer as time goes on. You have come to earth to complete a task one that was decided for you, and by you before you were born. In this life, You will endure confusion and conflict as you see the difference between your life as a human being and the reality of who you really are. You will find sometimes that your life isn’t yours, it’ll seem like someone or something else is directing it. You will have days of extreme fear, extreme confusion, and seemingly life-threatening situations. Though this will be hard for you it is necessary for you to gain the tools needed to complete the task that I speak of. You will see the world around you going into great upheaval, twists and turns of thoughts and behavior of your fellow humans. Later in life, you’ll learn to sense their feelings and intents. You’ll endure confusion because of this information, and a sense of emotional upheaval as you go through it. We cannot give you the details of your task, only that you’re here to do it. For if we told you now, you’d avoid going through the steps necessary to get the ability, and experience needed to accomplish it. But we say to you now we have extreme gratitude for what you’re about to do. And at this time I pledge to you now on behalf of all of us. That we will be here to guide you in times of extremes, and to aid you in going through the changes necessary to do what you have come to do. Though it seems you don’t know who we are right now, we can assure you that you do and there will be a time in this existence that you will meet us. And everything will become clear.”
As soon as the voice stopped, Alex jumped up and ran into the house. Alex was confused because although he felt he should be scared, he knew really wasn’t.
When Alex got in the house he saw his mother talking to Heather Stanton, one of the ladies from the neighborhood. Sharon Marx said to her friend with a grin “So I was talking to Carrie the other day and believe it or not, she out and out told me that she believed in people from outer space. Can you believe that nonsense?” Heather took a sip of her tea and said while laughing loudly, “How can anyone believe in that crap, sounds like she needs a doctor, or at least a pill”.
Alex overheard the exchange between the two women. Before he could think about what he was doing or why, he excitedly exclaimed “But Mom, there are people from outer space!One of them just talked to me”. Sharon snaps her head to face Alex with a look that always chilled Alex to the bone. Alex sees it and quickly runs to his room.
Alex climbs onto the bed scared and regretting he spoke up, while simultaneously wondering how he knew the information he spoke of. Was the Voice real? Was it just his thoughts? Could it really have been a spaceman? Alex was relieved the lady was still with his mother. It meant his mother might forget what he did, or will she? What will his father do when she told him? In spite of his panic, Alex falls asleep.
Alex is awakened by his bedroom door hitting the wall as his mother flung it open. With fire in her eyes, Alex sees her coming toward him with a wire hanger, a sight he has seen many times before. Alex braced for the worst. Sharon screams, “You stupid little bastard, what did I tell you about interrupting me when I am talking to someone? You are too stupid to know what you are talking about so you better keep your fucking mouth shut!! Do you fucking hear me?” Alex could barely hear her over the sound of his own screams as his mother’s hanger cut into his body over and over. By the time she stopped, Alex was just lying still. His ability to scream was lost in the overwhelming fear and pain.
Later that evening Alex’s father, Alex senior, was sitting in his recliner with his feet up. He was listening to his wife, as she ranted about the incident earlier that afternoon. Alex senior was a gruff, rough looking man with an unpredictable temper. His sits with his cigarette burning in the ashtray on an end table beside him, as Alex’s mother tells her story. “I was talking to Heather Stanton. You know that gossipy, red-haired woman that lives over on Randel Street? Well, that little son of a bitch picked that time to run in here and start yelling that he heard someone from another planet talking to him. I was so embarrassed. I could see on her face she thought our family was weird or thought Alexander was retarded I am not sure which. I don’t know if I can face her or anyone else ever again.”
Alex senior looked over at Alex, with the familiar look he gets as he is trying to think what he’s going to do to him. Alex freezes standing and staring at his father, petrified with fear. “What the Fuck is your problem! Are you stupid?” Alex’s father growled. With what little voice he could muster Alex replied faintly, “I dunno”. Alex senior continued, “I think you are. Get your ass over here”. Alex slowly walks over to his father’s chair. He looks out the corner of his eye to see his mother grinning at what was about to happen to him. Whack! Alex is thrown to the floor by the force from the back of his father’s fist across his face. Alex senior yells “Now get your stupid ass out of here and I better not hear about you doing that again. Are you at least smart enough to understand that?” Alex hysterically cries “Yes, ok, I’m going, I’m sorry!” Alex senior yells “Yeah, you are really going to be sorry if you do that shit again! You better get your shit together”. Alex runs to his room crying, passing his older sister Jenny in the hall. Jenny, being careful to not be seen, mouths the words “Are you ok?” Alex just ran to his room closing the door behind him, too afraid to answer.
The very next evening Alex was watching TV as his mother combs his sister’s hair. His sister Jenny is crying. Alex could hear her hair being pulled and occasionally a loud crack as his mother hits her on the head with the hairbrush. When Jenny reacts to the pain, his mother yells “Shut up! And hold still goddamn you”. Just then Alex’s eldest sister Jaylene runs into the room. She was excited about a field trip she was going on the next day at school. She accidentally bumps into her mother’s chair. Sharon instantly grabs the young girl and in one motion hits the girl on the top of her head with a metal spray can. There was such force behind the blow that it opened up her scalp. Jaylene screams as her face and shirt fill with blood.
Horrified Alex runs outside. As he leaves the room he hears Sharon yelling, “It’s your fault you little bitch. If you dare tell your father, I will make you wish you were never born”. Alex ran, grabbing his little dog “Cheech” and hid against the house under shrubs crying hysterically. He stared intently into the dogs’ eyes “Its ok Cheech you’re safe, she won’t see us here”.
13 years later:
Though he couldn’t see anything, Alex’s dream is filled with a gruff voice saying, “Quit crying you little shit, no one will know this is happening unless you say something and we both know who your father will believe if you tell him”. The voice laughed “Hell, I am trying to give you something to play with, I know you’ll like it. Hell, you’ve been waiting for it, you know you have”.
A 19-year-old Alex’s eyes snap open in fear. He looks around fearfully with sweat beaded on his face. He had fallen asleep parked on a mountain overlook. Alex realizes he’s parked in front of a railing that guarded the 250 Ft. drop to the canyon below. This was where Alex always came when the stress of his life became overwhelming.
Alex fumbles around looking for his pipe and lighter. He breathes deep trying to calm his nerves. He lights the pipe for a long deep hit of high-grade pot he usually sells to people in the town. After a few long hits, Alex exits the car. Tears streaming down his face as he climbs up on the railing. He looks out over the scenery and glances down to the canyon floor below. Just then Alex hears the Voice from his childhood.” GET OFF THE RAILING, you have things to accomplish.”
It was always his wish that a strong gust of wind would blow him off the railing, settling his problems for him. Alex holds his ears as random voices, some of them present, some scenes of the past, but all racing through his mind like a kaleidoscope of memories and subconscious rants.
After a few minutes, Alex takes a deep breath, gets off the railing and walks to the car. Alex drives back down the mountain feeling like a coward.
Later that evening Alex went to the Crazy Horse Lounge, which was a topless bar in a neighboring town. Alex joked that it was his office since that is one of the main places he did business. You see, in an effort to quiet the rage in his mind. Alex had become vicious, calculating and cold. He sold whatever drugs were available from many strains of marijuana to LSD, crystal meth, PCP and black market prescription pills. He also loaned money at 50 percent interest and even had enforcers so he could never risk jail. Alex enjoyed the fact that he could run a business as risky as his under the nose of law enforcement.
By this time of his life, except for his girlfriend Whisper and her father Chuck, Alex felt nothing but hatred for the world and everyone in it. He loved the idea of hurting people and getting away with it, though still being haunted by inner thoughts of being off track in his life. He knew there was something he was supposed to do but didn’t know what it was.
Alex sat at his usual table in a dark corner of the bar. Alex was doing business, tending to people that had deals with him and making new deals with people referred to him. Alex was well known among the patrons and the dancers as a man who can get “whatever you want”, and loved the reputation.
Soon Megan, a beautiful woman with long dark hair and stunning green eyes, walked up to him. Alex breathed deeply of her perfume as she leaned down to talk to him. Alex thought Megan was one the hottest dancers in the bar. Though Megan was a single mother of a four-year-old little girl, she was also known to be the best at her job, and at navigating the town’s drug scene.
“Hey, Alex”, Megan softly said, “Do you have any of that Columbian Gold you had last week? A guy in here asked me to find him a half pound. “Alex looks around inconspicuously, but obviously uncomfortable and angry with the conversation.
Alex growled “First, do I know him? And do you really think it was smart for you to walk straight up to me and ask me that? How fucking stupid can you be? Now, get the fuck out of my face, someone will meet you in the hall with it.”
Megan’s expression turned to one of fear. Her body language was showing her anxiety. She dropped the money discreetly next to Alex’s leg and quickly walked away.
Alex looked over to a stocky, dark hair guy and nods. The man stands up and after stretching a bit, followed Megan down the hall to complete the transaction.
Alex enjoyed the fear he provoked in people. But what he loved more was his ability to get what he wanted to be done without putting himself at risk from the police. He had what he saw as a small threat from “Jaybo” a local native and Alex’s competition. Though Jaybo was known to be dangerous, Alex wasn’t worried about him because he kept himself covered by a stable of guys who would always take care of anything for him for a fee.
Although he took pride in the sheer vengeful brutality that filled his life, he was relentlessly haunted by self-loathing, because of a nagging inner voice constantly letting him know that the life he leads was against his very existence.
Alex lived in a dark dangerous world. But the light that kept him going,the one place he could feel comfort and love was with Whisper. As Alex drove up to Whisper’s house on a grassy hill overlooking the beach, he was anticipating the excited welcome she always gave him, throwing her arms around him and kissing him deeply, her soft skin and sweet voice soothing him.
But this time was different. A strange car was in the yard. The door was ajar and Whisper wasn’t running out to greet him. Alex feared the worse.
Continued April 10 th
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